There are more people who can relate to the story I’m about to tell you. We may not be aware, but you could be dating a narcissist, or someone with the tendency to be one.
My friend C. introduced me to her ex-partner, with the vision that we can hit it off. I honestly thought it was a very weird setting. Since I wanted to stay open-minded, I agreed to be connected with him. A few weeks later, I got this email:
This may seem really weird and I agree it is, but hear me out. C. and I used to be in a relationship. She was a drug addict, alcoholic and routine philanderer. Somehow we fell in love, and I helped her overcome all that, and helped get her kids on the right track. She claims she will forever be indebted to me for that. We moved in together, but then discovered issues that were just not possible to expose my kids too nor made us compatible to continue living together with kids. She has a heart of gold in many ways, but she ended up cheating on me several times emotionally and physically when she said she wanted to re-commit and try a different way.
In the end, I cut off all contact with her because she violated trust in the most extreme way. I’ll spare you the gory details for another day. Yet, she kept telling me about you, a person with high standards like me, and that we should meet and date. I’ve taken some months off to cleanse my spirit and get ready to date again. I’d appreciate you keep any communication between us private and away from her.. We don’t need the drama. So, if you are interested and curious, I’d love to chat.
Oh, wow!! Nothing in this email is true! From a professional point of view, I really should talk to him. I responded to him, saying that I would like to chat with him. I was hoping to have a coffee, but he just wanted to chat over the phone.
The conversation started on a good note. I also had a good feeling about him as a good father and maybe a good partner. However, his narcissistic behavior started to slowly show at the end of the phone call. He made me feel very uncomfortable when he told me that there’s only way we could start dating is if I cut off my friend C. (his ex) from my life? Ehm, excuse me? I couldn’t believe it. He wanted to control me and dictate what I should or should not do. I realized that this man is very controlling.
Do not fall for narcissists – this is one of the very common behaviors. Narcissists will manipulate you and make you behave a certain way. Additionally, they tend to change the truth about events. They try to create situations where you might take action against a close person. Yet, they do not see anything wrong with their behavior, but, rather, see good in what they are doing.
Few signs how can you recognize a narcissist:
- Controlling and manipulative behavior
- They are always right, you are always wrong
- They blame you for their mistakes
- Their power is in isolating you from others
Read more relationship and dating tips from Luvidya here.