To be a LOVER or NOT to be?

I don’t like online dating since men naturally appear in my life. This story was different and I was actually on a date with someone else when I met him. My date took me to a cute theatrical play in the heart of Los Angeles, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the main actor. He was playing a very masculine role and of course, he was very attractive. When the play finished, it was time for after play concession with a chance to meet the actors. I thought this was my chance to meet him. When women saw him, of course, they all went ‘gaga’ over him; and me being new to LA and I didn’t feel like I should be fighting for attention or any man for that matter.

 

When the crowd cleared out, I knew this was my opportunity to talk to the actor. I remember walking up to him, like in a scene of a movie, where everything went suddenly dark and there was light only on him and me, and it rolled off my tongue: “Hello, the man of the hour.” We exchanged a deep look. I don’t even remember too many details because it happened so fast, with so much excitement, smiles back and forth, there was a lot of energy between us.

 

All of a sudden my date joined us and we continued our friendly talking. The conversation turned into a food and I shared with everyone how much I loved eating. The actor suggested we should go grab food at his favorite spot. To my surprise, my date took it as an open invitation t us all and he said: ‘Yes we should all go.’ But the actor and I, we knew deep down inside that it was something special between us. He said to me,  “I would love to have your number but I don’t have my phone with me.” With my witty tongue in cheek, I responded: “My phone is dead and I don’t take orders.”  He wandered away but he came back with his phone and asked my phone number again.  

 

My first thought was – he must be an amazing lover but I didn’t think much about this connection and thought he might never call. To my surprise he did and we talked very long hours on the phone and I felt a sudden connection. It was strong and I had a hard time resisting his charm.

 

Our first date was a total fail, he didn’t plan very well. The whole point was to take me to his favorite place but to his surprise, it had been closed down over 6 months ago. I couldn’t stop laughing. We went to the second spot of his suggestion and that was closed too; finally, the third spot was open. We had a decent meal, good chat and we felt a lot of chemistry; at that point, none of us made the first move. He was very respectful and we ended up just talking all night.

 

In the beginning, we agreed that it would be an only platonic relationship. I was ok with that as it left me and him without titles or commitment. However, I realized months later that I was missing a stronger bond because of that agreement. I didn’t feel that I could call him anytime I wanted and depend on him when I needed him the most. The biggest switch for me was when I flew to DC for work and I had a hard time at the airport – the plane had more than one delay, I couldn’t find my gate, as they kept switching them. It was one of those days. I needed support, I needed someone to listen, I needed him and he just wasn’t there for me and I hated it. He would constantly remind me that his career was more important than me. It was at THAT moment when I realized that this needs to end. I just texted him: “I don’t want to feel like this again, I’m in tears and I’m done with you.”

 

Before I moved back to SF from LA, he was one of the few people I wanted to see again. He reached out to me for my birthday a month ago, so our communication was open and still amicable. We had a hot chocolate date, great talk but my intention was to see if I still had the feelings I once did. He had a very important place in my life. It was nice to see him but the chemistry was gone, I was clear on that. When he walked me to the car, we didn’t know how to say goodbye, it was a bit awkward, so he just kissed my cheek; then he pulled away, kissed my forehead and pulled away, and finally when he didn’t feel I was reciprocating, he grabbed my cheeks and kissed me on the lips. I was slightly surprised but I didn’t feel it anymore…

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