The Chasing Game vs. Playing Hard to Get

The Chasing Game vs. Playing Hard to Get

This is an excerpt from a letter I received from one of you:

“I don’t chase after women. If she runs away and acts like I’m not worth her time, it makes me feel like I have to do so much extra work to prove myself…

The ones I chased in the past played me for a fool. So now I say no thank you. Next. If she’s playing this game, I don’t want to play along.

Flirting is one thing, but making me chase her like this is another level.  I always initiate the communication. She is often not available for dates.  She would even play me against other men… I’ve never met a woman worth that kind of effort, and it almost always ends badly.”

So what’s the difference between a woman who’s playing the chasing game and one who’s hard to get? When should you push forward and when should you drop it?

Many women will play hard to get to see if a man is going to put effort into getting to know them and is not just interested in sleeping with them. They want to see if you are the best man for them and if you are worth their effort.

Let’s look at closer at the difference between being hard to get and playing games.

You are CHASING the wrong woman if:

  • She makes excuses for why she can’t see you. You will feel like you are spinning a wheel when you are trying to make a plan. You might have plans with her,  only for her to cancel last minute. She acts as though she always has something more important to do than to see you. Of course, sometimes life happens, but if it seems like she’s always too busy to make time for you, you are not playing an important role in her life and you are wasting your own energy.

  • She never returns your phone calls. If she constantly say, “I’m sorry, my phone just died,” she just might not be into you. A woman who cares for you will make an effort to initiate contact and return your calls.  If she never charges her phone and keeps leaving you on “read,” she is not the person you should focus on.

  • She is inattentive on dates with you, constantly checking her phone or getting distracted by other people. You might start questioning why she is on a date with you if she isn’t present in the moment. You deserve a woman who will be as excited as you are when you’re out together.

She is HARD TO GET but worth the effort if:


  • She is busy, but she finds the time to see you when you ask her out—she just needs to know that you’ve planned ahead.


    •  Women who are hard to get want to see that you are putting in an effort to see them. They have standards and do not want to deal with men who make last minute, poorly thought out plans.  

She will put energy into seeing you if you are genuine with your intentions and show her that you’ve put some real thought into your date plans with her.

    • You won’t have to question if she’s interested or not because she’ll always have time for you.

She might play hard to get to test your intentions, but she will appreciate the effort you put forth and respond in kind.

  • She will always return your phone calls, although it might not happen right away You know when she responds that she cares because no matter how busy she gets, you can trust that she’ll get back to you whenever she’s able. The trick is to be patient.  Don’t become needy and put too much pressure on her to call you back, but rather give her time to return your call on her own time.
  • She always focuses on you when you’re on a date. When you’re out together, it’s like  you’re the only two people in the whole room. She’s attentive: she asks questions, she makes eye contact, and she keeps her phone in her purse. She shows that  she genuinely wants to get to know you and has an interest in spending time with you. You will always feel good in her company because even though she’s hard to get, she shows that she’s happy to be with you.


Women who are hard to get might make you work a little harder, but they’re worth the effort. They’re confident, sophisticated, and have standards, but if you show that your intentions are genuine and that you’re willing to woo them, they’ll always make you feel appreciated. The women the author of the letter described were not playing hard to get… they were playing the chasing game. Women who play the chasing game will consistently ignore your efforts to see her, ignore your attempts to contact her, and ignore you on dates: you’ll feel like you’re constantly running in circles trying to catch her. Pursuing a classy woman who’s hard to get might feel like a marathon, but chasing a woman who’s not worth the effort is like being stuck on a hamster wheel.


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