As a matchmaker, I hear this all the time. And it always comes from people who claim to need a partner the most but can’t seem to find the right person. They complain that it’s hard to meet quality people today. But when I offer them a good potential match, they always say: “I’m just not attracted to her/him…” I understand that looks can be very important, but if you haven’t met the person, how do you know that attraction won’t develop? You don’t know how this person will treat you, how your eyes might lock, how much fun you might have… If you see yourself filtering people out like this, you’ve just become your own worst enemy when it comes to dating.
“I just need to feel the attraction!” I hear you, I understand, but pictures on a screen doesn’t determine attraction. The real attraction is something that comes from a deeper connection. When you don’t like their pictures, you brush off a potential match. This reflects your attitude towards others. This is the very attitude is what makes you “undateable.” That same negative energy you create by rejecting people might be the energy that keeps the loving people away from you.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have standards about who you want to spend the rest of your life with. But having high standards without even meeting people upfront isn’t going to take you far. How many times have you started spending time with someone new and found that your connection only grows stronger as the weeks go by? You find something more powerful than simply liking a person’s physical appearance. This deeper attraction to each other, something that grows over time, is the key to any relationship.
One of my clients came to me with the desire to meet a wonderful woman. He wants someone who would love him, care for him and ultimately make him happy. The challenge for us was that in his mind, he had one specific “type” of a woman. No matter how many beautiful women we tried to introduce, his response was, “I’m just not attracted to them.” He refused to meet them and give himself chance to find love. Their physical appearances didn’t match up with what he imagined. We decided to send him on blind dates to show him that the blindfold of superficial attraction he was wearing needed to come down.
Modern dating has done so much damage to us that we are not able to find real connections. Instead, we search for love by judging how good someone looks in photos. We mistake lack of connection with not being attracted to the person at first sight. Take a moment and get to know who people really are and what they can offer. I guarantee that if you can learn to see beyond just looks, you will find the right person for you.