The Five Love Languages

Do you know how to express love with the five love languages?

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a book designed to help you explore love in more depth and discover what you need to feel appreciated when it comes to your relationships. This guide to self-discovery teaches you how to be a better partner by focusing on how you need to be loved and how to give others the kind of love they need. The author describes the five love languages as acts of service, quality time, words of affirmations, gifts, and physical touch. Understanding each language will give you insight into what was missing in your past relationships but also lessons in creating a new loving relationship. 

Let’s look at The Five Love Languages in detail with examples of how you can use it in a relationship.

The Love Language: Act of Service

“How can I help you?”

If this is your partner’s love language, they feel loved and fulfilled when you help them accomplish tasks. Simply, love is a teamwork. They appreciate every offer of a helping hand. Making dinner, washing the car, running an errand—lightening your partner’s load makes them feel the most loved. They cherish your active involvement in their life and how willing you are to make things a little easier on them. If this is your language, try asking your partner for help and show them how much you appreciate when they are there for you when you need them. 

Act of Service examples:

Serve breakfast in bed

Ask if you can help and do it

Do dishes after dinner

The Love Language: Quality Time

“Bikeride or Walk?”

Make your date or partner feel loved by spending time together. It doesn’t matter what activity you are doing as long you are fully present and enjoying your date’s company. The words “fully present” are key here; your attention must be on your partner and the activity you are doing together. To make them feel loved, ask them about the next spur-of-the-moment adventure they want to take, make them choose between two activities, or plan an amazing trip for both of you. You don’t have to go big—you can simply take a walk, go get ice cream, or cuddle up and chat to make your partner feel appreciated. So put down your phone, hold your partner’s hand,  and have a nice conversation. Your partner will feel strongly connected with you and you will be speaking their love language.

Quality Time examples:

Plan an amazing date 

Cook together

Go for a walk together

The Love Language: Words of Affirmation

“I love you.”

Nothing speaks louder than the right words. Your partner enjoys hearing you express how much they mean to you, how amazing they are, and how you feel about them. Love should be shared via words and expressed fully. And always make sure you mean your words and don’t try too hard to impress them. It is better to share something short, sweet, and from your heart than something that you force yourself into just because you think your partner needs it. You don’t have to be Shakespeare to speak this love language. For example, if your partner cooks dinner, thank them for the delicious meal, or if they look nice that day, tell them! Even little compliments will go a long way. 

Words of affirmation examples:

Write a letter

Give them a morning compliment 

Share your feelings about them

The Love Language: Gifts

“What can I bring for you?”

This is sometimes a misunderstood language because many people think of it as materialistic or very expensive. But if you understand this language, you will see the beauty and pureness in expressing love this way. The gifts have nothing to do with money, but rather serve as a way to let your partner know that you’re thinking about them. For example, if you are traveling alone and you see a seashell that reminds you of the amazing person that is waiting for you, bring it home for them. They will love everything about the shell and cherish what this gift represents. Gifts are connected to memories and the act of thinking of someone special—not just a way to flaunt your wealth.

Gifts examples:

Buy them warm socks for winter

Make photo frame

Surprise them with something they’ve always wanted 

The Love Language: Physical Touch 

“Let’s cuddle.”

The feeling of connection with you is what your partner wants most. This love language is about creating strong intimacy through touch. For example, you look at your partner and give them a small kiss before they leave the house and welcome them with a big hug when they return home. While some may think this language is about sex, it’s so much more than that. This language is about the small, everyday kinds of physical intimacy you share with each other. You don’t need to be touching your partner all the time, but find the special moments you can create a loving connection and share yourself with them.

Physical Touch examples:

Hold hands

Kiss on the cheek

Give a massage

When you learn about your partner’s love language and your own, you will be able to show your love on a much deeper level and feel more connected with your partner. Relationships with the same love language might be easier because you already know what your partner needs from your own experience. However, if your language is different, communicate and find ways to express the love you and your partner need.